Blog Post: It's Not Your Fault
Separating myself from responsibility for the choices of my adult children has been a challenge. When they sin, my first reaction has been to question: “What did I do wrong?” and “How did we end up here?” And if I am not to blame, should I blame God? But no, that doesn’t seem right either.
Blog Post: "Thou Shalt Not Covet"
If I’m honest, I must confess that I often covet what John has. Not his material possessions, but his gifting, opportunities, and influence. I’ve often overheard myself saying “If only I had that position, or that platform, I could do so much.” I’ve found myself praying: “God, if you let me do that, I will do great things for your Kingdom.”
Blog Post: Reversing the Effects of Distraction in Midlife Marriage
For years, your children created a distraction from your marriage relationship. Even if you were thoughtful to avoid becoming child-centered, the distraction was inevitable. Raising children requires most of your attention, both functionally and relationally.
While you were distracted, two barriers to intimacy may have developed.
Blog Post: Do you want your children to be perfect? Let them struggle.
Letting our children struggle is hard—even when they are adults. For almost two decades you hovered over them, cleared obstacles and erected safety nets to catch them. The “safety culture” demanded that our children wear body armor to ride a bike. We put tracker-apps on phones and argued with teachers over grades. Any hardship or injury was seen as a failure in parenting.
Blog Post: Inject a Dose of Fun Into Your Midlife Marriage!
For newly empty-nesters, you have spent the previous 5 or more years in an all out push to successfully launch teenagers into adulthood. Your marriage has been consumed with coordination of high school sports, activities, concerts, recitals, and special programs. Your time together was spent mostly in giving your full support to your children as they built their list of honors and achievements for college applications or job resumes. Launching teens can be stressful and exhausting!
Blog Post: "Are We There Yet?"
How many times were you asked that question as you traveled with the family, whether on Summer vacation, or for the holiday gatherings? “Not quite” or “Almost” never seemed to satisfy.
Do you find yourself asking that question with respect to your role as a parent? “Are we done yet?” In God’s Wisdom, the answer is “no”—and that’s a good thing!
Blog Post: Restructure Your Purpose Infrastructure
By the time you reach your 50s, you have likely been pursuing purpose within a context defined by family and career for half your life. In doing that, you have built an infrastructure that supports your effort.
Nearly every significant decision was heavily influenced by the purpose of family and career.
Blog Post: Sibling Dynamics in Caregiving
I received that text from my sister this week. It came with a message letting me know that our dad is scheduled for an MRI tomorrow, after receiving a lower than expected score on a memory test. This news comes in the context of losing our mom just a little more than a year and a half ago, with Alzheimer’s.
Blog Post: "So How Are The Kids?"
“So how are the kids?” In many ways, I’ve come to dread certain gatherings out of fear of this question. Truth be told, there may even be encounters that I avoid so that I don’t have to answer this question. Yes, it’s well meaning. But, how do I answer it in a moment?
In most cases, this is just another form of the ageless greeting: “How are you doing?” Generally, I’m fine simply returning that greeting with, “Great! How are you?” But when the question involves the status of my kids, the white-lie of the socially acceptable response doesn’t relax the emotional trigger that just occurred. Why is that?
Blog Post: The Path to Finishing Well
My contemplation of finishing well started a little sooner than it does for most.
When I was in my mid-30s, my father’s two best friends died on consecutive days. I knew them as Uncle Mike and Pastor Bob. I had known these men for many years and had observed them in the decade or so after they retired. Attending funerals within a couple days of each other gave me an opportunity to reflect on what it takes to finish well.
Blog Post: Honoring Aging Parents
In these weeks between Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, it's a good time think about how we truly honor our parents during PhaseNEXT. At this stage of our life, breakfast in bed and colorful neckties just don’t seem appropriate.
Honoring our parents during our midlife is vastly different than when we were kids. On the one hand, we have many more years of relationship that may have made things—well—complicated. On the other, we are also parents of adult children and have a whole new perspective on the challenges and sacrifices our parents faced.
What Are We Learning?
Sorry for the recent silence. We haven’t stopped PhaseNext—we’ve been fully living it!! Over the last several months, Nancy and I have been actively involved in the whirlwind of all of the relationship and life-changes that define this stage of life.
Our youngest child graduated from college, our middle child has returned home for a season, and our oldest child and his wife are expecting our first grandbaby in August. We are facing all the challenges that go with Parenting adult children.